One Too Many Lies Read online

  a new crush

  Alex isn’t in any of my classes this year. So I never see him. Except sometimes in the hallways. He’s always in a rush to get to class on time. But every once in a while someone new catches my eye. Like Peter Marsh from math class. Who do you like? Kate wants to know. Nobody, I lie.

  house party

  There must be close to 100 people in Trevor’s house. The party has just started and the place is already a mess. I fill a cup with something that looks like fruit punch and tastes like medicine. Trying to figure out how I’m going to work up the guts to talk to Peter. That’s when Kate grabs my shoulder. You’ve got to come play spin the bottle! I laugh. No way! Who even plays that game anymore? Peter is playing... she teases. Kate! Shhhh! I know I’m blushing. How does she always know these things?

  spin the bottle

  The odds seem in my favor. So many cute guys here. It’s just a kiss. But it doesn’t feel that way when Abby spins and the bottle points straight at Peter. Well that didn’t take long. My stomach turns as she takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. That’s not even how this game is played! So there goes my new crush with one of my best friends. I feel sick. I look around the circle. Is it too late to back out of this? The group gets smaller and smaller as my classmates spin and pair off. Suddenly, it’s my turn. I look around. Only a few guys left. And I realize that I do not want to kiss any of them. I close my eyes and spin anyway. Please be Marcus. Something I never thought I’d wish for. When I look the bottle is pointing straight at Jamie. He’s basically the biggest jerk I know. He smiles and licks his lips. Why did I do this to myself? I down the rest of my mystery punch. I guess I just have to get it over with.

  just once

  On the way to school Kate and Abby are laughing at my bad luck. Jamie is the worst! they scream. I know! I say, shuddering. He stole my lunch back in sixth grade, Abby says. He gave me a black eye back in third grade, Kate says. You’re a traitor! Abby jokes. Well, whose idea was it? I gently shove Kate. I’m glad she doesn’t tell Abby that I like Peter. Abby has already bragged about what happened upstairs at the party. (And suddenly, I’m not so interested in him anymore.) She doesn’t even like him, but you wouldn’t know it. Abby casually pulls out a joint, lights it, and starts smoking. Trevor hooked us up with some good green! Since when is this a thing? Abby laughs and passes it to Kate. Then it’s my turn. It smells gross, but maybe I should try it just once. I’d feel strangely left out otherwise. I take one tiny puff... ...and cough the rest of the way to school.

  proud poets

  Kate is my partner for an English assignment. So we go to her house after school. We have to write a few poems. But we’re having writer’s block. This would be more fun if we were drunk, Kate says. She pulls out a shoebox with a few of her dad’s beers which she hid under the bed. They are warm and terrible. We blast music and let the beer flow until the words flow. These are amazing poems! we agree.

  the next day in class

  we read our poems out loud. And suddenly I realize they’re not as good as we thought. Nobody seems to notice. But I know I could do so much better. Maybe alcohol and homework don’t mix.

  sleepovers at abby’s house

  Her mom’s apartment, or her dad’s. Her mom works night shifts at the hospital. Her dad spends all night at the bar. Either way, they’re never home. And we have the whole place to ourselves. Her mom doesn’t drink or keep alcohol in her house. And her father has drunk every last drop from his liquor cabinet. But these days, we don’t stick around for long, anyway. I’m fine with staying in and watching a movie. But Kate and Abby insist on going out every time. Because nobody is going to notice when we leave. And there’s always a party happening somewhere.

  taxi

  Abby buys a pack of cigarettes with her fake ID. While we wait for the cab in the corner store parking lot. It’s midnight. And it’s cold enough that we can see our breath. But we’re not wearing jackets. Less to carry. The female driver eyes us but doesn’t ask questions. I always sit in the middle. Kate gives the address. And Abby is the first to strike up a friendly conversation with the driver. Fifteen minutes later we arrive at a house in the city. We split the fare three ways. Plus a tip. The driver says, You girls be safe tonight! And we wear big smiles for show. Thank you! We always are! We lie through our teeth. Though we know she isn’t buying it.

  at the party

  We’ve been looking forward to this all week. There are two kegs on ice in the bathtub. Everyone holds a plastic cup full of foam. I walk up and down the hallways of an unfamiliar place. Back and forth and forth and back. From room to room to room. It feels like I’m moving at double speed. Which is something I’m starting to enjoy. I can’t decide in which part of this long house the most fun is happening. Or where the best conversations, or the cutest guys, are. And I like the way it feels, just floating in this in-between space never having to decide on one thing or another. And maybe not having the ability to.

  i snap

  into focus. when I hear people shouting. I follow the voices and push through the crowd. And find Kate lying on the floor.

  blackout

  We think about calling 911. But we don’t. Because maybe if we wait just a little longer she will sober up. And then nobody has to get in trouble. Abby sticks her finger all the way down Kate’s throat. Until Kate pukes on the bathroom floor. There you go. Get it all out! I gag from the smell of it. Trying not to add to the mess. I’m beginning to feel a little sick, myself. We roll Kate onto her side on the cold tile. Now we can let her sleep it off. She’ll be fine. As long as she doesn’t choke on her own vomit. Just make sure she keeps breathing. Everyone pretends to know what’s best. From what we learned in health class that one time. But deep down we know that we know nothing. She seems okay now, we agree. Obviously. But... I stay up all night. Watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. Just in case. I know she would do the same for me. Wouldn’t she? Because that’s what best friends are for.

  all night long

  Rise and fall and fall and rise. Is she crying? Or is she laughing? Rise and fall and fall and fall and fall and... Soon, I am also asleep on the bathroom floor.

  hangovers

  In the morning, they act like nothing happened. Except that we all feel sick. My head is pounding and my whole body aches. Kate doesn’t know how bad it got. She laughs when we tell her the details. I know one thing for sure. I’m never going to let myself get that drunk.

  cramming

  We have so much homework this year. Way too much reading to do for English class. And so many tests to study for. It feels like I’m choosing between schoolwork and my social life every single day. But I can’t seem to pick just one. So I struggle to juggle both. Most of the homework I can finish in study hall or lunch or between classes or even during classes, if I’m honest. But I can’t skip a single party. Things are changing fast. I’m afraid of missing anything. Because I feel a shift. And sometimes I worry that Kate and Abby will slowly drift away. It’s a lot of work keeping up with those two. And keeping up with schoolwork, too. But I’m getting pretty good at cramming.

  #c a n w e g o h o m e n o w

  Abby met some guy online. The second I meet him I can tell he’s going to be trouble. He’s older. How old? We never ask. We go to his apartment. He offers us white powder on a tiny spoon. I say, No thanks. But Abby snorts it up her nose, eagerly and expertly. In the morning I don’t ask too many questions, but I wonder. What happened behind closed doors last night? I don’t even have to pry. Abby offers up the story in great detail over bagels and coffee. I can’t help admiring her reckless spirit in spite of myself.

  two weeks later

  We walk to the corner store and wait for Abby outside. It’s her third time buying one this year. She’s more afraid of the disapproving cashier than of derailing her future. She comes out blushing and holding a plastic bag, which she jams deep into her purse. A last ditch effort to avoid all of this. Are you sure you’re ready to find o
ut? we ask, once we get to her house. I’m ready, Abby lies. She closes the bathroom door behind herself. Kate and I sit on the floor in the hallway. We exchange nervous glances that we’d never let Abby see. Then all three of us sit on the edge of the tub holding hands, waiting. No one can speak. Finally. A single red line. A sigh of relief. We knew you weren’t pregnant! we lie.

  when i get home

  Mom is waiting for me in the kitchen. Paige, come here! she calls. What happened? I ask. My heart is racing. She knows something. You told me you were staying over at Kate’s house on Saturday... she says. But I saw Mrs. Knox at the grocery store today... She knows. Oh, we ended up staying at Abby’s house instead... I interrupt as casually as possible. ...I thought I told you. Change of plans. Mom is relieved. Well, make sure you let me know next time. Sorry, Mom! I give her a hug and run upstairs to fill Kate in on the new version of our story.

  road test

  Kate passes her road test. On her third try. But still. She even bought a used car with all the money she saved from her summer job at the grocery store. Now we can go anywhere. The world is our oyster. And we are lost at sea.

  125 CRESCENT DRIVE

  A couple guys are smoking on the porch. They nod and say, Beer’s in the fridge. Help yourself. The front door has been left wide open. Because despite the cold, it’s hot inside. House packed with bodies. There’s one guy hanging from a light fixture. And another guy passed out on the couch. So, the usual.

  college parties

  We don’t know anyone, except Eric. Who shows up moments later with a crew of people and more beer. This is his apartment. Kate met him at summer camp when they were kids. He’s a couple years older. And so are all of his friends. Whenever anyone asks how old we are we lie, Eighteen.

  girls drink for free

  they say. But I always chip in, more than my fair share. I’m not going to let myself owe them anything.

  eric’s roommate

  When he walks in, our eyes meet. Instant connection. Later, I hear his name for the first time. Morgan. For a couple of hours we don’t speak. But our eyes meet again and again. Until we’re sitting on the same couch. Making small talk. While everyone else is making out. The room empties around us. Kate is with Eric, somewhere. Abby left, with someone. But Morgan and I stay up for hours talking. The sky outside is getting lighter. It’s morning when we kiss. Top of the list, no contest... Best. Kiss. Ever.

  what i know about this guy so far

  We love most of the same books. (A guy who reads!) A lot of the same bands. (A must.) Some of the same movies. (A plus.) He’s really into football. (I can look past this.) He knows how to make me laugh. (He’s really funny.) I can tell from the start he’s just not like these other guys. He’s got style. And class. (And, most importantly, he’s single.)

  blur

  I’m eye level with his teeth. These two perfect rows of pearly whites. Which he’s always showcasing, smiling. Which he’s ruining with cigarettes. But still. (He’s trying to quit.) I can’t decide what color his eyes are. (Perhaps hazel.) Behind glasses, most days. (Unless he’s wearing contacts.) Brown hair, a little messy. (Sometimes he wears a hat.) I try on his hat. And we trade glasses. His lenses are much stronger than mine. And everything is a b l u r.

  the catch

  There’s just one teeny tiny itsy bitsy little really very small problem. He’s 19. And I’m still 16. But going on 17! I told him I’m 18. A tiny not-truth. All I know is, my parents won’t be meeting Morgan any time soon.

  in school

  Too distracted to focus or care. I wonder what Morgan is up to right now. He’s in college. He has his own apartment. Suddenly my life feels so lame. Gym (or study hall), chemistry, history, lunch, trig, media studies, psych, and English. Then home to my parents’ house. And my bedroom still painted pink from when I was a kid. All I can do now is look forward to the weekend.

  senioritis

  I think I have senioritis, Kate says. I’m only half listening. She always thinks she has something. The flu. Or the plague. What is that? Abby asks. Senioritis? Kate asks. Yeah! Abby and I say together. You know! Kate explains. It’s when seniors slack off during their last year of high school! But we’re only JUNIORS! Abby laughs. I think I have senioritis, too, I admit. We’re BAD, Kate laughs. Abby smiles and says, I knew you’d come around someday!

  drowning

  I’m at the bottom of the ocean holding my breath. I don’t want to swim to the surface yet. It’s so pretty down here. Colorful creatures and plants I’ve never seen before. When I realize that I can’t wait any longer, I kick toward the surface but it’s too late. I’ve been under water far too long and the sky is too far away. I wake up gasping for air.

  stuff

  Morgan and Eric’s place is just kind of the party house now. We hang out there pretty much every weekend. Sometimes weeknights, which are a little harder to get away with. We usually spend the night. Kate and Eric are hooking up I guess. Even though she’s still dating Trevor. Even though Eric has a girlfriend out of town. But I mind my own business. I’m too busy hanging out with Morgan. When the party dies down we stay up late. Lying in bed, listening to records. And making out, and stuff.

  none of your business

  One morning I overhear Eric grilling Morgan in the kitchen. So what’s up with you and Paige? He wants to know. Are you guys doing it or something? He wants to know. Morgan just laughs. That’s none of your business, he says. You know I don’t kiss and tell.

  junior prom

  is still a long way off. But I can’t help thinking about it. I mean, it’s probably going to be kind of lame. The school dances always are. But I never miss one. I’m only going to be a teenager once. But. I can’t take Morgan. For one thing, he thinks I’m a senior. Even if I was, I doubt he’d want to go to a high school dance. And another thing, I feel like I really probably can’t let anybody know about this relationship. My parents would certainly try to put an end to it. They’d probably never let me leave the house again. I’m glad junior prom is still a long way off.

  a Monday, November

  Mr. Bates stands at the front of the room. Arms crossed, but smiling. Waiting for the students to file in one by one, unsmiling. Class! He exclaims. Before today’s lesson— a quick announcement! Ms. Smith and I are starting that writing club that I told you about! It’s Tuesdays after school in this room. I write down the details even though I’m not interested anymore. I hope to see some of you there! He smiles and looks right at me.

  Monday night

  I should be doing homework right now. I have so much of it. But I can’t focus. Because Morgan is out with his friends. At a bar. They all have fake IDs. And I’m stuck here. Feeling left out. What if he’s meeting other girls? It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s just that I don’t trust the alcohol. I try listening to music. But even my favorite songs can’t cheer me up tonight.

  sos

  Morgan agrees to pick me up. So I wait for Mom and Dad to go to bed. Then I sneak out. Morgan and his friend Tim are parked at the corner. We head back to Tim’s place. It’s nice being out without Kate and Abby for a change. I drink while the guys smoke. We watch weird, funny movies. And talk about everything and nothing. Tim pours me another drink saying, We’ve been out all night. You have some catching up to do. I’m a lightweight. But I want to prove that I’m not a lightweight. A few drinks later Morgan takes my glass away. Okay, I think you’ve had enough, he says. But he laughs and kisses me anyway.

  what was i thinking?

  Morgan drives me home, dropping me off at the bottom of the driveway. The sun is almost up. But no one is awake yet. And I sneak into the house without making too much noise. I’m lucky I don’t get caught. Because I know I would be grounded for the rest of my life.

  Tuesday

  I didn’t sleep at all last night and in the morning it shows. For gym class we have a fitness test. We’re supposed to do 100 crunches. Kate and I take turns holding each other’s feet. Kate does all 100.
I do six and excuse myself to vomit in the bathroom. Did you go out last night? Kate asks. I know she’ll be mad that I didn’t invite her. No, I lie. I think I’m just coming down with something.